How Casting Crowns Saved My Life

When I first started working at Wegmans, I had a bunch of doubts, concerns, fears, etc. They were about money, life, who I was, what was going to happen; pretty much how my life was ever going to get back to some sense of normalcy. One morning on the way home, I was really being hard on myself. I was thinking I was a failure already and that I was going to continue to be a failure. I did not think I could be a good husband, a good father, a good child of God ever again.

A few weeks earlier, I had told Shawna that when I was in the van with the kids, I would listen to KLOVE, the national Christian radio station. I actually started to listen the station even when I was in the van by myself. And on this particular morning, I was wallowing in the misery that was myself, and I heard the following words:

Oh what I would to do to have
The kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
And the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time agian, boy
You never win, you never win
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says do not be afraid
And the voice of truth says this is for my glory
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

I have grown to really love all of the music by Casting Crowns, but this song will always hold a special place in my heart. As I was reminding myself of all the times I had tried and failed, God was calling out to me, telling me, "Do not be afraid, I am with you." I just started crying and crying. It was at this point that I realized everything was going to be okay because someone other than me was now in control. I have not trusted Him perfectly and at every moment since then, but I have seen how He has been working in my life. It is truly amazing what all He has done for my family and me this past year.

Please keep praying for us. Our house has not sold yet and we just switched from trying to sell it on our own to a realtor. Practically speaking, if the house does not sell quickly, we will be struggling financially. Thankfully, God does not always work in practical ways. He has taken care of us every step of the way. I know (in my mind) that He will do so even now.

Paul

Freedom, Part 2

"It was before the LORD, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the LORD's people Israel--I will celebrate before the LORD. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of , I will be held in honor" (II Samuel 6:21,22).

What a joy it is when we can just come before the Lord and celebrate. While I have no intention of ever dancing around a church auditiorium in an ephod, I find worship to be more fulfilling when there are no man-made restrictions. This past Sunday, the preacher led the congregation in a simple prayer posture, borrowed (I believe) from the Quakers. We held our hands down while he prayed that we lay all of cares and anxieties at His feet and the lifted our hands up to praise and honor Him. It was something very simple, yet it felt very freeing to be able to worship physically. I love that whatever we do that brings praise and honor to God cannot be wrong. Conversely, anything we do that brings praise to us and away from God cannot be right.

Worship is such a wonderful opportunity to praise God for all He has done. I cannot think of any greater way to express thanks for my freedom than by freely expressing my praise in worship to Him.

Paul

P.S. One day, I need to learn freedom from technology. We have been with phone and internet service for four days, and I was convinced the next step was churning my own butter. Go figure.

FREEDOM!

Galatians 5:1 (NIV): "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." It is apparent from reading Galatians that Paul was rather ticked off when he wrote it. He and others preached that Christ had freed people from sin, death, Law, etc. Yet they allowed themselves to be enslaved again.

Over the past year, I have experienced great freedom. I have already experienced the freedom of salvation, but there were others areas I was enslaved. Christ set me free from those bonds. It would be foolish for me to turn back to them.

In addition to freedom through salvation and freedom from obsessions, we have been freed from religiosity. There are so many rules and regulations that we place on ourselves that Christ never would. In my experience this past year, I have been able to participate in totally free worship. What an experience it has been. It continues to be that way here in our new home.

I am grateful for my freedom. I am not ready to be enslaved again.

Paul

Aha!

I have had several a-ha moments in my life, especially in the past year. One of those was today. We were worshipping at the church where I believe we are going to end up placing membership and it hit me: I have a gift for speaking, it would be wrong not to use it. That does not mean that I have to use it the way I once did. Who knows what God has in store.

Things keep coming back to this idea of doing the next right thing. I have made a commitment to Wegmans. I am going to keep it. And who knows how things will work out there. I know that I can't make tents, but I am pretty good at what I am doing now. It's kind of amazing the way God takes care of us when we let Him.

One funny story about work: the crew has seen that I am pretty much even-keeled and I do not lose my cool or get upset because of what goes on at work. We had one night where we ended up being three people short and it did not cause any stress or anxiety on my part, and the crew fed off of that. That's pretty cool. But last night the good old warehouse came through again: a truck with tipped over pallets, mis-aligned pallets, and cases on the floor of the truck with no pallets. As I was taking one of the pallets to the freezer I walked past one of my crew members saying, "I hate the warehouse." His response was, "There it is! Everybody has a hate, we wondered what yours was." So it took a month, but the crew now knows what gets me angry.

One more positive thing to report on: I have found a really good group of friends that I really connect with. We share a common problem and a common solution and I have really identified with this particular group. I have also found a small group of men to have a Bible study with, so my Tuesdays have become really cool. I am off Monday night, so I get to sleep, then go to Tuesday AM Bible study and then meet with my other group of friends. Tuesdays are currently a really day for me. God bless all of you.

Paul

One Quick Question...

Since I did not work last night, here is the very rare occasion of two posts in one day: what would happen if in your town every church dropped all the words out of their title other than address? For instance, there would be First Ave. Church, Central Church, Downtown Church, etc. For churches with the same address or regional distinction, we would use First, Second, and so on, based upon date of incorporation. If every church just referred to themselves as "Church," what would happen?

Paul

God's Voice or Indigestion?

Have you ever been straining to hear God speaking to you, heard something that you believe may be from God, and then tried to convince yourself it was something else instead? The last two Sundays, I have been feeling something, an urging, a leading, (maybe even a calling); the first Sunday, it was easy to say that I was just tired and who knows what was going on. The night before at work had been a difficult one and I was exhausted. However, this past Sunday, I felt the same thing. I wasn't as tired. But surely it wasn't God. Was it?

A good friend have mine has continually reminded me that all I need to do is the next right thing. Life is much easier when I remember that principle. Because of that, I will now cut off this post so that I can take the youngest to the doctor. He is about 3 months late for his well check. God's blessings!

In Him,
Paul

Who Am I?

I love Casting Crowns. Their music really has spoken to me over the past year. Pretty soon, I will tell you how the song, "Voice of Truth" saved my life. Today, I want to talk about the song, "Who Am I?"

I love church history. Way back in 1998, I began working on an M. Div., and in 2000 I stopped. Shawna was pregnant and I needed to find a real job. God led us to Rochester and the Lawson Road Church of Christ. After a few years there, I went back to school. This time as a distance learning student taking two classes each semester, one on the internet and another guided study, through Abilene Christian University. I had switched from the Divinity degree to an M.A. in Church History and Theology. If I ever decide to finish, it will be that degree that I work on.

What really struck me through the classes taught by Drs. Childers and Foster was how much of a role identity played throughout the course of church history. The history of Christianity has been rife with fights, splits, wars, etc., all based upon the answer to the following question, "Who am I?" Or, "Who are we?" The reason for many of the fights and debates and all the other stuff really stemmed from a belief that any challenge to commonly held faith beliefs was to challenge one's identity in Christ.

So this past year, I have been faced with making decisions that many people are not happy with because it challenges their deeply held faith beliefs. Our last eight months in Rochester were spent at Hope Lutheran Church. What a wonderful, godly place for us to heal, recover, and grow closer to God through Christ. That decision led many people to tell me that we were no longer "in the church." Really?

Now, we are currently looking for a church in our new home, Pennington, NJ. We have visited a Church of Christ twice and tomorrow will be our second Sunday at a (truly) non-denominational community church. (We also visited an ELCA on a Saturday night). Either place will be a church where we can grow. We plan on visiting others as well. So how does our church home affect our identity?

Casting Crowns gives me a great answer to that question: "I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind, Still You hear me when I'm calling, Lord, You catch me when I'm falling, And You've told me who I am,I am Yours, I am Yours."

Lord, I am Yours. I hope that my identity lies in Christ and not in the sign on the door. I don't like that other people struggle with my decision. But what, if anything, should I do about that? Jesus told His disciples, "No one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whever is not against us is for us. I tell you the truth, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward" (Mark 9:39-41).

Who am I? I am Yours.

Paul

Out of the mouths of babes...

Some of the greatest lessons in life are taught by children. My daughter was three when we first bought our van. It came complete with built-in car seats. The straps buckle in over the lap, and then the straps are held together by a snap across the chest. After several months of sitting in the seat, Rheannon tried to start buckling herself in. She was not very successful. She could could do the snap across her chest, but she could not buckle the bottom buckles. She would try and try, get frustrated, start crying, and then let either Shawna or me do it. After witnessing this a few times, I quit letting her try. I would just buckle her in right away. I do not like to watch my children fight and struggle only to fail and get frustrated. However, after I would buckle the bottom buckles, Rheannon would stop me from snapping the straps across her chest and say, "Daddy, let me do the one I can do."

What a great lesson for me. There are many things I cannot do. Sometimes I try. I try over and over again only to become frustrated and upset. When I am able to let God take over and work in my life, things always seem to work out the way they are supposed to. There are tasks He does let me handle. I can do the ones I can do. What I need to learn is to rely on God, do the things He wants me to do, and let Him do the rest. It sure does cut down on the frustration.

In Him,
Paul

Welcome

I hope you will find this blog helpful. I hope I will find it helpful. Last Sunday (June 25), I turned 31. Yesterday (July 2), I turned 1. Those who really know me will understand that. I have been trying to listen to God's voice in my life. My father once told me if I could do anything else besides preach, do the anything else. His point was that preaching has to be a calling; it can be nothing less. I am truly convinced that God called me to preach. I am also truly convinced that right now I am being called to sit down and listen. My favorite Bible verse is Jonah 3:1: "The word of the LORD came to Jonah a second time." This happened after Jonah sang out his prayer from the belly of the fish. I am working on singing out my prayer. Please feel free to join me in my journey.

Paul