That Pesky Integrity

I am really annoyed by this whole integrity thing. Just because I made a promise, do I really need to keep it? I mean, why should people assume that I will do what I said I would do when I don't really want to do it anymore? Should that matter?

Two years. I agreed to two years in my current job. I got a taste of preaching again and loved it. I want to do it. I believe God has gifted me and is speaking to me in such a way to use that gift once again. However, does it make sense that I break a promise so that I can preach? Is that what God would really want? I believe the answer is no.

Patience, they say, is a virtue. It is also a necessity for me right now. I am going to look for and be open to any and all sorts of opportunities to preach. But I have 18 months (at least) more at Wegmans. And you know what? That is not a bad thing. They really are a great company to work for. They have done a lot for me. This is not a punishment, but it is a respite. Just because I am ready to get back to where I was a year and a half ago, God apparently is not. At least not yet.

So I'm going to keep my promise. Somehow, I think I will end up better off for it.

God bless you.

You Have Been Rescued

"For unto us a child is born, unto us, a Son is give, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful, C0unselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and the Prince of Peace."

At just the right time, God sent Jesus into the world. He came to redeem. He came to save. No greater gift has ever been given. Have a wonderful Christmas.

For what it's worth, in my humble opinion, the greatest Christmas song is "O Holy Night." The lyrics truly sum up what Christmas is all about: "Long lay the world, in sin and error pining; til He appeared and the soul felt its worth. A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, and yonder breaks a new and glorious morn."

Merry Christmas all!

P.S. If interested, you can hear the sermon I preached yesterday, 12-24-06, at the following link: http://princetonchurch.com/audio/PCCaudio.htm
There are several sermons by Eric Ferris, which are all excellent, and one by me. The title is "You Have Been Rescued."

Peace, Perfect Peace

Peace, perfect peace,
In this dark world of sin:
The blood of Jesus
Whispers peace within.

Peace, perfect peace,
our future all unknown:
Jesus we know and
He is on the throne.

It is enough;
Earth's struggles soon shall cease,
And Jesus call us
To Heaven's perfect peace.

Peace. Still. Quiet. Calm. Serenity. Patience. Yeah, right.

I like to ride roller coasters (wooden ones, anyway); I am not sure how much I enjoy living them. One day is a day of contentment and joy: all things are as they should be. Even everything is not going exactly my way, I am okay with the way things are going.

And then come those days when I am so agitated and upset. I want what I want and I want it now. On the surface, I am able to display a facade of "going with the flow" and "rolling with the punches," yet internally I feel like an utter failure. I am even able to say the words, "I am praying for (fill in the blank)," yet when (fill in the blank) is discussed, I am uneasy, jealous, and upset.

And then I remember Psalm 46:10: Be still and know that I am God. That Psalm also begins beautifully: The LORD is our refuge and strength, our ever-present help in times of need. I remember what Job said in the midst of his struggles: I know that my redeemer lives. Even good old Jonah: I was in trouble and I called out to You, and You heard me and helped.

I remember. I don't always apply.

Then comes a day like today. I had agreed to lead the discussion for the men's prayer breakfast. J0hn 17 was my text to focus on, and as I was reading, I once again saw John 16:33. I don't know how I missed it during last week's class, but I did. Jesus tells His disciples a short time before He is arrested and ultimately killed, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart. I have overcome the world."

I believe it was Julian of Norwich who said, "He said not you would not be tested; He said not you would be tempested; He said you would not be overcome."

With Jesus at the center of my life, is there really anything too difficult to face? I think not. Jesus gives me peace; not happiness necessarily, but peace. What a wonderful Christmas blessing.

Why's for Today

Why is it hard to pray some time? Right now, there is something that I really want. It is a good thing, in and of itself. I believe it to be the right thing and I like the timing of it should it happen now. Yet I know that I should not go to God saying, "God, do this and do this so that this may happen for me." It seems to be too selfish to me. Now, we are told to go before God and ask whatever we want. But if I feel guilty about asking for something, perhaps that is a sign that I should not ask. What I need to pray is that God will bring about the best for me and all those involved. However, if I ask that, God may get the idea that He can take matters into His own hands and make things work out without seeking any input from me. Can you imagine? (Please excuse me while I try to dislodge my tongue from my cheek.)

Why can't I play basketball? I love basketball. Along with tennis, it is one of my two favorite sports. While I have liked many sports teams and sports figures, the one team I have ever been a true fan of was the Chicago Bulls and the greatest basketball player of all time: MJ. How many people can still name Will Perdue, Cliff Levingston, B.J. Armstrong, Dennis Hopson, Stacy King, and Craig Hodges 15 years after they came off the bench to win the NBA title? I even tried out for the high school basketball team once. Couldn't make the first cut, but I tried out. So I was left with a desire and love for a sport that I am absolutely no good at. It has never actually been a problem before this morning. A basketball coach who works part-time with me at Wegmans asked me if I played basketball. Now, many people have asked me that question before. People assume that since I am tall I can play. However, his question went a little deeper. He told me that by watching me at work, he has been impressed with my quickness and agility and just assumed that since I can move the way I do, I must be good. So now I have a desire and the ability to impress a coach, yet still I can't play. Oh well.

It just strikes me as almost silly that these two why questions arose separately and have nothing to do with each other, yet both have the same answer: God knows what He is doing. I just need to hook up with Him and go along for the ride. And what a ride it is.

What a blessing community is. To share life in common with a group of people is truly a wonder to experience. For me, I am blessed to have a family that is community. I am very close with my parents, who are still married to each other approaching 46 years (give or take a year). I have four brothers I close to and love very much. I enjoy the time I have to share with my nephews and nieces; and although I do not see them very much do to distance, I have a great relationship with my extended family on both Mom's and Dad's side.

I am also blessed to have community with my friends from high school. Although I graduated 13 1/2 years ago, I still consider five classmates to be great friends. Life is busy, however, and distance separates us. I do not know if they realize how much I love them and miss them. They know me better than I sometimes wish they did. They saw through me a couple of years ago, yet were there for me in my time of darkest despair.

In regard to my recovery, I am also part of a great community that I relate to and learn from. I know I need to lean on them more. They have taught me the power of today and the power of getting out of my own head by helping others. Strangely enough, they re-introduced me to God and I am closer to Him now than I have ever been.

But of all my communities, the greatest one is my Christian family. Even Jesus taught this when He acknowledged that He would turn father against son, mother against daughter, etc. He called people to leave their families without even saying goodbye. People have followed Him and as a result never had any contact with their familes of origin ever again. On the other hand, people who never had any biological family connections to speak of or who came from bad familial backgrounds have found great solace and comfort in the community Christian family can afford.

I guess what makes my Christian family stand out so much from any other community I am a part of is how different that family is. All sorts of people brought together by the love of God through Christ Jesus our Lord. For me, one of the greatest Christmas blessings I will reflect upon this year is that since last Christmas, I have experienced that my Christian family is even larger and greater than I ever knew before.

God bless you

You are where you are...

...for a reason.

A friend of mine once said it, "You are where you need to be and you are there at just the right time." While I am not as totally bound to fate as that statement may imply, there is definitely a lot of truth to it.

The best feedback I have heard the last two days comes from the wisest man I know: Why don't you let God take care of that? Now that I know what I can do, I will be ready when the opportunity arises for me to do it.

So where do I go from here? I go to make my kids dinner. Then I go to work after Shawna gets home. Then I come home and go to sleep. Life is a lot simpler when I remember something another wise man told me (over and over again): do the next right thing.

It seems to me that somewhere in the Bible Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worry of its own. However, God is taking care of us now, today. I can easily slip into an extreme amount of anxiety and worry about something that may or may not happen next month. And when that event comes about, I will realize that I have wasted a month of my life. Today is good. No matter how good or bad it may be, today is good.

"Holy Fire, burn away
my desire for anything
that is not of you and is of me;
because I want more of you
and less of me.
Empty me; empty me.
And fill me with You!"

Report on Today

Well, I preached today for PCC: Two Rich Men, a Camel, and You. It was about the rich young ruler and Zaccheus from Luke 18 and 19. The basic message was: we cannot get into Heaven. On our own, it is impossible. However, what is impossible with man is possible with God. That is why Jesus says in regard to the rich young ruler, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God," and to Zaccheus He says, "Today salvation has come to this house."

For you, as for me, the difficulty in life may not be wealth. But there is probably something in your life, as there is in mine, that separates us from God. Are we willing to get rid of it? The rich young ruler was not. He went away sad. But Zaccheus was willing to give half of his possessions to the poor and pay back those he had cheated up to four times the amount. We must be willing to give up whatever it is that is separating us from God. It is not easy. But with God, all things are possible.

Overall, the sermon went very well. The congregation received and responded well to the lesson. In fact, I received a compliment I never had before. Someone walked up to Shawna and me after the sermon to show us her sermon notes. Her comment was, "As you were kicking my a**, I had to write this down." That is quite possibly the greatest compliment ever.

God was working in me today. I felt His presence with me and it was a great blessing. For the first time in a long time, I felt as if I had a purpose again. Thank you, God, for that. I was asked to speak again December 24th, and I am already working on that sermon. After that, PCC may have Sundays covered until February, but I am glad to have at least this one more opportunity. To those of you who have been praying for me, I thank you.

May God bless you all.